In one of the tapes found here, Wolff discusses the importance and value of biographical material concerning the quest for realization. He begins by relating the story of Gautama Buddha’s search for enlightenment, and then notes:
This is the objective story that has come down to us. But what were his subjective experiences during that period of searching? Of this, we are told nothing. Did he grieve for his wife and child? Did he despair during the period of long ascetic practice? Did he know desolation? Did he have doubts as to the success of his effort? All of this is left unrecorded, and yet these are experiences which we may pass through when we are, ourselves, engaged upon the search for Fundamental Realization, or Enlightenment. Something of these inner experiences may be told; and they may be a help to those others who, seemingly standing alone, do not know what they may be forced to experience, and do not know what others have passed through.[1]
This is the motivation behind many of the recordings found in this category, some of which are explicitly autobiographical. Other recordings in this category chronicle specific events in Wolff’s life, such as his instructions before surgery, a report of his major dreams, the first instance of the shutting down of the “butterfly valve,” and Wolff’s “last word on tape.”
Most of these recordings were made after the death of Wolff’s second wife, Gertrude, an event that profoundly affected Wolff, and which he addresses in a few of the tapes listed as “Autobiographical.” The link below takes you to a list of recordings that explicitly relate to Gertrude’s death.
After the death of his first wife, Sherifa, Wolff married Gertrude Adams, who was a student of his from Chicago. The couple immediately set out to revitalize the work of the Assembly of Man, the educational organization that Wolff and Sherifa had founded in 1928. Wolff’s time with Gertrude would prove to be the most prolific years of his life, and he credits her with making the production of his audio recordings possible:
Now, Gertrude’s significance is that without her none of these tapes would have been produced. If you value them, give due credit to her. Not that she contributed the mental part of it—that I could do—but she made it possible for me to do it; therefore, it’s a joint work.[2]
After nineteen years of marriage, Gertrude suffered a stroke and died. Given that Gertrude was nearly twenty-four years his junior, Wolff had assumed that he predecease her; moreover, Gertrude’s death had come suddenly and without warning. Wolff was devastated by the loss, and he would struggle with Gertrude’s death for the remainder of his life.
Wolff was helped with this struggle by two friends and confidants, Brugh Joy and Robert Johnson, who both advised Wolff that his suffering had a collective significance. Wolff explains:
Of late, I have been sharing information, which I have been carrying secretly for a long time, to those who have an appropriate right to it. This information should be shared, and now I do not know how long I shall be here. And further, I have been sharing the anguishes and other features of this dolorous way with those who come to hear me. This is the sort of thing that in my former years was really inconceivable. I have always been, heretofore, oriented to the presentation of a proper attitude towards the public, to present the knowledge that I may have garnered to all who might value it, but to leave unspoken the private, sensitive facts of the personal life. But with the shock of Gertrude’s departure, and also with a due consideration for that possibility affirmed by both Dr. Brugh Joy and Robert Johnson that I carry a collective responsibility, I have opened the door to the sharing of intimate facts. It is a little like being psychologically vivisected in public or being rendered completely nude in the public assembly. It is basically a difficult thing to do; but Dr. Brugh Joy says that this is the revealing of something that has been very largely hidden heretofore. The Oriental Illuminati give us a view of very little of this. Sri Aurobindo has given us some, but not a complete view. Generally, the Oriental who travels the way, when he ultimately emerges, gives formal directions or a metaphysical philosophy, but hides from others the travail, and delights, and other details of his own intimate experience. So, Dr. Joy insists that this should be revealed, so that those others who are traveling the journey, knowingly or not, may have some guidelines in this intimate domain. Well, I have made this sacrifice, and I’m speaking as frankly as I can.[3]
Given this directive, the Fellowship has published all of this decidedly personal material, which includes a group discussion shortly after Gertrude’s death and a recording of Gertrude’s memorial service. These recordings are followed by a fifty-three part “commentary” that documents Wolff’s travails along this “dolorous way.” Additional recordings that pertain to the death of Gertrude include “Dialogues with Brugh Joy,” which can be found under the category, “Conversations, Discussions and Addresses.”
[1] Franklin Merrell-Wolff, “On the Awakening of the Heart Chakra” (Lone Pine, Calif.: December 1978), audio recording, 2.
[2] Franklin Merrell-Wolff, “On the Place Gertrude Had in this Work” (Lone Pine, Calif.: July 11, 1978), audio recording, 2.
[3] Franklin Merrell-Wolff, “Running Commentary following Gertrude’s Death,” part 8 (Lone Pine, Calif.: July 1, 1978), audio recording, 3.
